We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
