There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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