Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
