we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
