ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
