google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
