I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
