dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
