so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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