I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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