I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
