do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
