The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Dick very happy bro
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
