no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
