I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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