it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
im holly from the hills drunk
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
