making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
