woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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