my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
