I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
