1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
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