I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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