What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
