i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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