last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
