im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Randomize
