And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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