Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
