i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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