Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
he quoted the bible to break up with me
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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