Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize