Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
