we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
