yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
she was so not down for the gang bang
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
