I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize