I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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