y did u give ur computer a hand job?
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
