My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
My cat gives me a boner
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
