I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
