The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
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