i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
