I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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