i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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