so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
