I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
