he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
