i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
