he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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