Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
