I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
birth control should be required to get into college
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Randomize
