I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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