i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I am available for nakedness
My bed smells like the plague
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
