I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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