I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
