I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
