i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
