i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
