How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
