He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
