So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
How naked do you want me to be?
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