man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
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