sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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