I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
