i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
