Please, let me fuck your mom
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
