What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Randomize
