Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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