if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
