after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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