Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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