dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
