Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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